Thursday, June 18, 2009

Another One

OK, I'm sorry y'all have to hear this, but if I talk to my husband anymore about it, I fear I might drive him insane.

Over the last week or so (since I took that video of Hunter I posted a while back) I have had an OVERWHELMING desire to have another baby. I want another one SO badly. I took that video, and watched it over and over, and couldn't believe at how big my baby is. He ISN'T a baby, and that's where my issue is. He's talking more and more everyday, he's in a toddler bed, he brushes his teeth, and for goodness sake, he's sitting next to me right now just coloring (never mind the fact that he's breaking the crayons in half...) Babies don't color! Babies don't help momma with the laundry, or insist on helping open the car door.
Ever since watching that video, I've done so much reminiscing through old stuff (and a lot started on accident.) Last week, I watched old videos of when he was a baby. While packing the other day, I discovered pictures I'd forgotten I had that someone had taken of him at our church in NC when he was just weeks old. And today, I was cleaning out my inbox (why did I still have emails from 2006?) and found emails with pictures from when I was pregnant and right after he was born. I MISS being pregnant; even if I was a whale. And don't get me wrong, I still love Hunter to pieces and soak up every minute as he is growing up and getting so big, but I think God programmed something in women to want more children when their's are at this age. He never intended us to have small families with only one or two least I don't think so.
I keep telling Greg I want another one. He knows it. And just as it was before Hunter, he knows as soon as he gives me the okay, there's no turning back. I had a really hard day about it last week, and was crying all day. I didn't want him to see me because I thought he'd just get frustrated. He ended up discovering my tears though and we talked about it. I did get an "I'll think about it" out of him. He has 6 weeks to do so because I obviously don't want to get pregnant before the half-marathon. But as the last week has gone by, I keep thinking more and more that he just said that to appease me, and really has no intention of saying we can try again anytime soon.
I just honestly don't understand why he still wants to wait. Sometimes I wish he wasn't so responsible. Is that silly? I know we have more schooling in AZ, but I don't think money is the issue. It's not like Hunter has cost us that much (and Greg has admitted that too.) We've had to buy diapers, that's it. I nursed him and made my own baby food. And if diapers are the issue, I'll be old school like Liz and use cloth diapers if it means I could have another baby. I don't think Greg would ever admit it, (and maybe he doesn't even realize it) but I think the fact that I just got down to my goal weight makes him hesitant to have another one. Smart husbands would never say so, but they don't like that right-after-baby stage. I have every intention of continuing exercise during pregnancy and working off the baby weight afterwards, but I still don't think he wants to have to go through that stage again, now that I JUST reached my goal.
When we finally are finished with school and are "financially stable" (whatever that means) I'm sure we'll space our babies two years apart like many people do. But Hunter will be 2 years old in 4 months. I don't want him detached from the rest of his siblings because he's way older. So many people that I was pregnant at the same time with are either pregnant again, or already had another one! Why can't that be me? And just as Hunter's not getting any younger, neither are we! If we got pregnant in a few months, Greg would be 50 when they graduate High School. He has said himself he wants to be young enough to still play sports with the kids and stuff. Is he not thinking about that? How much longer does he want to wait? His constant answer of "later" doesn't really give me a real time line...
Hunter adores his daddy. He loves anything that's his. He walks around with daddy's watch on (at his elbow to keep it on) just to be like him. Doesn't he want more children to love?
Well, there it is - my side of the argument on why we should have another baby. Too bad you're not the one that needs convincing...


  1. I am going to use cloth diapers too! Because once you have them you can use them for every kid that you have after the first one! I hope that God gives you contentment on this issue whatever the outcome may be. I will be praying for you!

  2. We cloth diaper. If decide to go that route, LMK and I can get you the hook ups.

    And maybe God is using Greg as a way to show you it's not time right now. Slow and pray. One of you will come to peace with the others decision. (((hugs)))